This essay is essentially the first real entry to this collection. Excerpt 1 was really to introduce the why, the how, the what, the who. Today is about today.

Today was hard. Exclamation mark.

Eva, aka my hurricane/bulldozer, aka my rainbow baby, aka my second child, was sick today. So that was a joy. I myself am currently recovering from tonsillitis. So navigating my own health while trying to care for a sick, crying, clingy, yet doesn’t want to be touched baby was not how I would like to spend my days. No one tells you about these days when speaking about parenthood. Not even me, when I talk to others. Unless they happen to catch me on said day, and they reluctantly find themselves stuck in a rant session with me about the “joys” of parenting.

Why is that? Why is it that parents more often than not prefer to paint the picture of parenthood as one big magical unicorn breathing rainbows? Is it so not to scare off would be participants? Or is it to give ourselves a false sense of achievement that we did it, and we did it better than others? Or is it as simple as ‘fake it till you make it’? And if so, what’s wrong with that? Parenting is fucking hard. It is not a walk in the park. It’s not even a hike up the harshest of terrains. And some days it beats you, and it beats you hard. So what’s wrong with faking it at times if it spurs you on. The young kids would call that manifesting.

I didn’t mean to get into such a deep thought on day 2, and although it’s worth the conversation and I have so much to say on the matter, I think I may leave this for another day, another entry.

Back to today.

The sunshine in mine and Eva’s day was a visit from Papa Zee, otherwise known as my dad. Eva’s beloved Jidor. You have never seen a bond like theirs. I never want to forget it. They say you’re living on borrowed time. With your life. Your kids. But also your parents. Especially your parents. The older I get, the more and more I’m aware of my own parents ageing years. So I want to try and savour all the quality time and moments and conversations we have.

We got lucky with my dad. He’s one of the good ones. And this year, I have never been more blatantly aware of the fact that I still need my dad more than I need anyone. More than I need my husband. I think. Haha as I write this, I realise that’s a big call.

BUT, that’s all due to the fact he’s a goliath of a man, in every manner of speaking. He commands such an existence, that there will never be another man like him. Parent like him. Carer like him. Protector like him. Provider like him. Confidant like him.

He’s funny in ways he has no idea. He’s wise the way you expect a dad to be. And he’s the very epitome of selfless, sacrificial love.

Today we spoke about the usual. The garden. The tomato plant he gave me. How much he loves Eva. We also spoke about his fear in my sister finding a partner. Mainly due to the fact “she hates men, but he doesn’t blame her because he too hates men” (lol – his words). We spoke about his insistence on me following through with my plan to set up my single cousin with the neighbour. This also came with his strict instruction to inform the man that “the girls in our family will not have sex until marriage and he must be ok with that” (his words again).

Surprisingly he heard my counter argument when I said I absolutely will not say that, and he agreed it’s probably an awkward thing to preface with.
You can take the man out of the conservative culture, but you can’t take the conservative culture out of the man.

Somehow, over the last year, my father has been more open about talking ‘sex’ with me, which is awkward on many levels, yet not completely awful at the same time. It’s more so in the context of our cultural values around it and its importance in relationships. I don’t hate it. Surprisingly. Can’t say the same for my siblings though.

So that’s my dad. There’s always something with him. And that something is always unpredictable. You never know where the conversation is going to lead.

Very much like this entry, which took a turn I didn’t expect. And I guess that’s how these things are probably going to go. And my job here is just to roll with it.

Takes from today;

• Eva is the hardest baby to comfort when sick. She wants you, but then doesn’t want you. But then how dare you put her down. But if you pick her up, she will fight to be free. And so the cycle continues
• Dad agreed that sex talk is not something to lead with when trying to set up a potential match
• Dad thinks I’m not a good steward of his tomato plant

This is excerpt 2.