Today was constructive, encouraging and validating.

For years now I’ve been silently suffering with chronic pain, which was further exacerbated by both my pregnancies. As most mums can relate, we tend to put all our selfcare on the back burner. Something of little importance that we’ll get to it when we get to it.

However, the flare ups of my symptoms since Eva have been too painful and unbearable to ignore, so I’ve been on my own medical journey to get some answers and relief from my symptoms.

Again, like most women can sadly relate to, the journey has been one full of roadblocks, frustration and indifference. Why is it that women need to so strongly advocate for themselves in order for their pain to be taken seriously? I could go on a whole ‘blame the patriarchy’ tirade, but it’s too draining of the physical resources that I need to protect haha.

After 3 different GPs and 2 dermatologists, I was finally put on to a rheumatologist to address (some of) the symptoms my body’s been presenting with.

This doctor was amazing. I felt heard. I felt seen. I felt cared for and empathised with. I felt like I’m finally on the road to some answers and some definitive diagnoses of what the bloody hell has been happening to my body since my pregnancies. Which in and of itself is enough to alleviate the (mental) pain if I’m being honest. Sometimes just getting answers or even just being believed and validated is enough.

This is another unspoken topic when it comes to pregnancy or making a family. The physical sacrifice women have to make in order to create the family we so long for. It’s often called a blessing. It’s often called luck. And it most definitely is those things, but falling pregnant, carrying a child is not only a privilege but also a physical sacrifice that is not often recognised or spoken about.

I know I may be generalising when I say that pregnancy takes a significant toll on a woman’s body; some women go straight back to being normal, being ok, roaring to go. However this was not my experience, and not the experience of many other mums that I know. But also, like most other mums I know, we suffer in silence. The physical, hormonal and mental changes we go through post partum is often concealed, because we no longer reign supreme in our own lives. Choosing to be a parent means choosing to put yourself second, third, fourth in your own story. That what you’re feeling and suffering through is not as paramount as your families needs, and that was a sacrifice most know about before deciding to build a family. However, the sacrifice to our physical health, strength and wellbeing is so unspoken of that we often forget that the two are related.

What would I have done with that knowledge before falling pregnant? Would knowing that my body, appearance wise and health wise would undergo significant (undesirable) changes have impacted my decision to have children? Probably not, because regardless of the outcome, having a child of our own, a pure manifestation of our love far outweighed the sacrifice we had to make to get there.

In saying that though, fighting for our health to be taken seriously shouldn’t have to be so hard. Advocating for answers shouldn’t be so hard. The sacrifice shouldn’t have to be so all-encompassing. And maybe one day it won’t be that way. Maybe one day, in the not so distant future, we’ll find that women’s health is just as prioritised as other areas. Until then, I’ll keep advocating for my own health and wellbeing and for that of my precious girls.

For now though, I’ll take the win I had today and rest assured knowing I’ve finally found a (female) specialist hearing my symptoms loud and clear!

The hope also is that any other woman who’s reading this takes comfort in knowing they’re not alone in their silent pain, and that this too spurs you on to advocate for yourself when you’ve long forgotten to.

This is excerpt 11.