Yesterday we celebrated Father’s Day, which in our household was always a milestone occasion even before having kids ourselves. I guess when you have a great dad worth celebrating, Father’s Day is a noteworthy event on the calendar. In saying that, I’m completely aware that I’m one of the lucky ones that can say I have a great dad worth celebrating. I’m fortunate and blessed to have been raised by the dad that I had, and equally fortunate and blessed that my children too have a great dad worth celebrating.

My husband can’t say the same though. His parents divorced when he was in early primary school and he and his siblings stayed with their dad post divorce. Not because he was the better parent, but from what he’s been told by his mum, she made this decision because she knew his father would put up a fight and she didn’t want to have to endure that from him, so she decided what was best was they stay with their dad.

From what my husband has told me about his childhood, that definitely was not the best decision. Their dad was quite absent. So much so that my husband claims he can’t ever remember a time where his dad played with them simple childhood games. Granted, my husband has repressed memories, but I feel like you don’t forget something like an absentee parent. His dad was far from the ideal father type. He had no real example of parenting, from either his mum or dad. Yet somehow, my husband has managed to exemplify all the remarkable and beautiful attributes you want in a father figure, despite never having it modelled for him, from either parent.

I guess having the example of what not to be is what grounded him in his capacity to give his children what he didn’t have. Stability, unconditional love, presence, selflessness, fun, support, priority, attention, safety and security. And more. He learnt from what his parents lacked in. That despite not knowing what true parenting is, he has somehow managed to be the best kind of father for his girls. He’s also learning and evolving. Not rigid in his ways of parenting, but open to ever evolving to our kids needs and personalities. I’m in awe of my husband today. In awe that he’s become the man and the dad he is without having any true experience to draw from, or even anyone in his corner to spur him on (obviously other than me and my family). In awe that despite what would be typical obstacles, they’ve instead been his launchpad into who he wanted to be for his own children.

There was a time when I was single that someone with Nelson’s family background would’ve been a deterrent for me, and I hate to admit it. Back in my single days, like many other girls, I had a ‘wants and needs’ list for a man *insert cringe face*, and right at the top of that list was someone who had a close knit family. That was something I always valued because it was what I knew. If I’m being completely honest too, my old self would’ve believed that someone with Nelson’s background could never be a good father. How wrong I was. It just goes to show you really, truly cannot judge a book by it’s cover. Or at the very least, make presumptions on who they will be based on how they were raised (or lack thereof). So for any single ladies out there reading this, let this serve as a reminder that the history of the boy does not determine the future of the man. There are always exceptions to the rule *insert smiley face*.

I could go on for days, weeks, years about my husband, but for his sake I’ll stop. That’s the thing about these milestones, they allow you to stop and think and be truly grateful for what you have. You get so caught up in the monotony of daily existence that you often forget to honour each other for the true blessings we have right in front of us, that we sometimes forget to see because we’re blinded with the lens of ‘routine’.

And of course it can’t go without saying, that milestones like this can also be extremely hard. Hard for those who’ve lost fathers. Hard for those with absent fathers. Hard for those who wish to be fathers but can’t. Hard for those who never knew their fathers. Hard for fathers who’ve last a child. Milestones like these reign heavy on hearts also, and for those in the above categories, I see you and I honour you too.

Here’s to all the good dads out there, trying their best and loving their hardest. You’re needed in this world more than you know.

This is excerpt 12.