Today was just another day.

Most days, as a “stay at home” mum, feel like Groundhog Day, but I guess the biggest motivator in doing this was to try and find the extraordinary in an otherwise ordinary day.

Or at least find something that is thought provoking to extract me from the humdrum of daily life.

For me today, that was something I was listening to on a podcast. Side note; what did I do before podcasts?!

This particular podcast was about an entirely different topic to what I’m about to dive into, but they did skim over something that had me reflecting. The 7 year itch.

It’s actually something I had been thinking of quite a bit in the past couple of months, so to hear it pop up ever so briefly in this episode felt a little more than a coincidence.

What initiated my thoughts on this topic was the fact Nelson and I, for a few months earlier this year, went through a season of ‘fighting’. If you can call it that. Can you call it fighting when it’s only one person engaging in the communication? Ha! The joy of living with a passive communicator.

I’m relieved, thrilled, comforted to say I don’t feel like we’re in this season any longer, but whilst we were in it, I had the revelation that we may be in the midst of the 7 year itch, being that this year marks 7 years of us being together.

Honestly, I didn’t even know what exactly defined the ‘7 year itch’, so much so that I had to look it up (haha), and when I did, it outlined exactly the season we were in. Although I didn’t know what ultimately characterises the 7 year itch, I knew it was something that attributed to a negative season in ones relationship. When reading up on the concept I learnt that some of the main causes behind the ‘7 year itch’ are lack of communication (tick), miscommunication (tick), financials worries (tick) and lack of intimacy (tick) to name a few.

These weren’t necessarily the causes for our fights, but they were definitely core elements that exacerbated them. When it came to why we were fighting, it was usually always over something so trivial, but because of the aforementioned issues, the fights would spiral past the point of de-escalation. When I step back and look at why neither of us weren’t able to stop the decline before it happened, it’s all to do with (lack of) communication/miscommunication. The fact that we are such complete opposites, we speak two different languages that neither of us seem to be fluent in. This isn’t to say the fact we communicate differently is a new revelation for us. We’ve always been aware of that fact, and we’ve successfully managed to navigate through it the last 7 years, otherwise we wouldn’t be here, together. But I guess it’s the culmination of the season we were in along with the points above, it’s no surprise we found ourselves being submerged by the 7 year itch.

We were in the midst of surviving the most difficult 18 months with the most challenging baby, we’re both sleep deprived beyond anything we’ve ever experienced, we’re on the back end of a house build which left our entire savings drained, which was preluded by a 3 month period of no income for either of us as I was on maternity leave and Nelson was recovering from open heart surgery, leaving us navigating one of the hardest financial seasons we’ve ever gone through (the world included), not to mention the physical ailments and chronic conditions we’re both silently suffering through. I’m amazed we’re both A. still standing and B. still together. They say the 7 year itch is where couples reach a potential point of reckoning, so to see ourselves on the other end of it, I’m thankful. Thankful that the previously mentioned difficulties didn’t break us, when understandably they could’ve.

Nothing is guaranteed in life. Not love, not relationships, not our health, not our successes. Everything requires hard bloody work. Even relationships. Especially relationships. These past couple of months have proven that to me beyond what I already knew.

Lack of sleep, financial hardship, lack of intimate time together, our own individual mental struggles, exhaustion – all of these alone are enough to rattle even the strongest of couples, let alone all those worries combined. It’s no wonder our communication faltered. It’s no wonder our nervous systems were shot and we reacted to issues with a short fuse. It’s no wonder when we’re so consumed with what’s wrong in this season of ours, it was hard for us to find our way back to each other in that fog. It’s no wonder we forgot out differences and our intricacies and what we needed from each other both intimately and verbally. It’s no wonder miscommunication reigned supreme, because we were too busy caught in the loudness of our own thoughts to hear what the other was really saying.

It’s no sunshine and rainbows everyday, but we’ve definitely worked through it, and we’ll definitely need to keep working through it. However, what I’ve found that has helped noticeably was bringing humour back in. When you’re lost in the haze of your setbacks, it’s easy to lose sight of the playfulness in everyday life. We found that by bringing that back in, particularly when we’re fighting, it’s the icebreaker we so desperately need to ground us again, and to remind us just how trivial the subject of our fight really is.

It’s a work in progress, we as a couple are a work in progress and we as individuals are a work in progress. No one said relationships are easy. And no one has ever said that once you’re married, it’s effortless. We’re a complicated species, but knowing that the 7 year itch is so common that it became a popular notion put me at ease. Considering that other couples endure the same obstacles as we did ultimately meant we weren’t defunct in any way haha.

My proverb when ‘supporting’ other couple friends of mine is that relationships and marriage will always be hard, but the love shouldn’t be. I’m grateful today that although it’s hard, and he might drive me so far to breaking point and vice versa, our love is unbreakable. That’s what keeps us holding on, fighting for and living for.

This is Excerpt 14.